Parenthood is an oft-celebrated cliche, in which a parent waxes poetic on how smart, funny, beautiful, and tantrum free his or her darling little human-child is. Often, this is done in comparison to another child, wherein the second child is more oft compared to that which spawns in the mucky muck lurking beneath that condemned trailer over yonder by the railroad tracks (wrong side implied). Yet in reality, parenthood is ridiculous work, perilous even (consider the evil plastic cheese wedge, your foot, the bottom of the steps and 3AM--Fucking Deadly) where dog-tired adults pray to any god who will listen that the children sleep [at some point, hopefully at the same time]. Where two year olds learn how to enact passive-aggressive regression tactics (let's un-learn how to use the potty!). Where parents feel embarrassed when their toddler starts slapping the nurse for giving her baby sibling a shot; when deep down we're saying, "Rock on kid, for sticking up for your brother." Yea, parenthood is a minefield...sometimes more literally than we'd like. But,
There is one thing, that above all, pushes parenthood, for me, away from being a brokedown misery of pleading, deal making, and flat out yelling: that being the amazing process of child-like language. Herein lies the first of several installments of Mollyisms.
Mollyism -- (n.) 1. Something Molly said 2. A moment of phrasal hilarity 3. The fruits of parenting at its best.
Part 1: An annotated List of Terms and Definitions
- What are you doing here? -- A constant phrase can be used as an introduction, conversation starter, or general question
- Sprinkly one? -- usually used in conjunction with ice cream
- Do you like it? Do you lub it? -- often paired questions. Consequentially, we lub lots a things these days.
- No. Birdy has a turkey leg. -- Molly's answer to the question, "Does a birdy have legs?"
- I want a poopcon. --One night outside of Sheetz, Sue and I were talking about coupons--I, stupidly thought that 1. gas stations didn't take coupons, and 2. that a coupon for a free coke was not a coupon and in fact a voucher. I was later set straight by the cash register clerk. But in the mean time, Molly blurts out, "I want a Poopcon." And we lost it. She then started talking about how Kon, our fat kitty, pooped and mommy had to clean up. We're still not sure what she thinks poopcons are, considering that she's been given some, but either way they have something to do with making the fat kitty poop.
- Doctor Horsey. -- Molly has many roles for her My little ponies. One of them is Doctor Horsey. And Doctor Horsey can heal any animal by stomping its head.
- Hotchipot -- Molly's word for hospital. We had no idea what she was saying till Doctor Horsey showed up to help a sick kitty.
- I lub the Chu. He's my faborite. -- Chu's our other kitty. He tolerates Molly's insanity with the patience of the gods. Someday, that cat's going to collect and demand tunafish for all meals till he dies (I think he's waiting for Kon to kick the bucket though, since Kon eats most of the food in the house anyay)
- One more
-- One more does not mean one more. Molly will One More something twenty or thirty times if she really likes it. - Anotherone poop? -- One time Sue was changing Jack's diaper and Molly was watching. She pointed at Jack's ballsack and said, "Anotherone poop, Mommy?"
- No Poop mommy, I farted. -- We hate this phrase. Molly won't tell us, or admit when she poops. Lately this has been leading to messy escapades, as the training diapers don't quite have the sheer containment space of traditional diapers. Shit storm :'(
- Dammy. -- Sue's eternal pain. Dammy is what you get when your two year old isn't paying attention to whom she's speaking, so Daddy/Mommy gets slammed together into Dammy. Occasionally she does the opposite, Maddy, but Dammy happens all the time, and it brings out Sue's Irish rage. I feel her pain though--I used to be Dwerf (Drew/Derf [Derf's my step-dad]) for years.
- Chickennuggetfrecnchfry -- The only way Molly orders McDonalds
- Let's take the walk -- We like walking. so does Molly.
- i wanna go to the wateraparrk -- Molly also likes the water park. Currently she's banned till she learns to use the potty.
- I'm crying Mama -- This happens usually when Molly's fighting bedtime and she's turned on the pathetic cannon (her mouth). Crocodile tears + this phrase = us having a difficult time not laughing as we try to order her to bed.
- Hi Little guy -- Anyone she doesn't know the name of becomes little guy. This can be kids on the playground, action figures, or people on TV.
- Kids! Come back Kids! -- Molly lubs playing with other kids on the playground. Unfortunately, very few unsupervised pre-teens have the patience to race around with a bossy two year old. Also, Molly has a knack for showing up at playgrounds when everyone is leaving, hence this phrase.
- Mommy, you clean up? -- Said whenever there's a mess. Messes are caused usually by cats in Molly's eyes. She conveniently avoids pointing out many of her own messes. Strange...
- I'm cold need a nice and warm -- a nice and warm is a blanket. Sometimes she does say blanket, but nice and warm gets thrown in invariably. She really huddles up and sells the being cold part too once she gets the blanket.
- No. I'm the Molly -- Ask Molly if she's pretty much anything , and this is how Molly will respond. She gets real mad when people try to tell her that she's the big sister. Sometimes she even goes as far as adding "I'm a little girl." when people do that.
- It's ok Jack -- Whenever Jack cries, Molly tries to soothe him. She's a bit crazy to be touching him up, but sometimes she'll even come over and kiss him.
- Mr. Mommy! Mr. Mommy! -- Since we call Jack, Mr. Jack most of the time, just about everyone gets to be a Mr. these days.
- Want to take a bubble bath? -- Molly lubs bubble baths. Some days she wants to take like 9 of them, and probably would too if we let her.
- It's my Faborite. -- Molly has a lot of faborites.
- Moob. -- Molly's version of Move. She tells us to moob a lot.
- I help you? -- She loves to help.
- No take my car. -- The family car is hers; did you know that? I get in big trouble when I drive to work (good thing I like to try to walk)
- I want a chocklate -- apple didn't fall far from the tree here; our little girl is a choco-holic
- Mnem an nems -M&Ms Molly style
- Open the door.-- Usually so she can escape
- Turn up the light -- This can also be used with the dark. Turn up the dark or turn up the sun. She doesn't like the night because that means she has to sleep. Why oh why do little kids not like sleep?
- lemme out mommy -- we have to baby gate her into her room because she can open the door and won't stay in her room at bed time.
- I got the key -- Molly lubs keys and opening doors with them. To her, a key can be anything that fits in a keyhole.
- awww isn't it cuute -- She says this to Kon a lot. Especially when she glomps on him when he's sleeping. It's about the only time she can catch him.
- eew that digustin -- Molly's usually spot on when something is yucky, and she doesn't hesitate to tell us.
- that's dedicious -- Molly's real good at keeping this word for just the right moment; only really tasty stuff gets the dedicious label.
- I come too -- She'll follow us anywhere; even to the crapper
- that's dumb! -- sometimes this is cute, but when Molly is mad, tired, or both, everything, even things that are her faborite can become dumb. And she gets pretty violent about hating dumb things; she'll slap em around pretty good.
- No Nigh night -- she fights bedtime pretty often anymore. Before Jack, she was clockwork good about going to bed. 9PM zing up the stairs brush the teeth wash the hands kiss good night love you.
- I wanna wash the han -- Washing hands and brushing teeth are two things she's pretty good at. And
- Need a bandaid? -- Because she's a big help and because she lubs bandaids, she's there to help you with even the most insignificant abrasion. Oh and Hello Kitty is what' she's packing these days, so I hope you like pink kitties and bunnies to heal your wounds.
- Wanna play my toys? -- Two year old games are crazy. Sometimes they're real interesting with the rules that she thinks up, but two year olds have a cognitive limit on toys playing, I think. After so many minutes, the game resets and she starts it all over fresh. Sue can beat this repetition by adding crazy fox elements that rock Molly's world.
- Play in my room daddy? -- She lubs when we play in her room, but her room is a minefield of toys that scattered from an un-attributed pipe-bomb blast.
- oh no the monters. Hide! -- Molly's not generally afraid of much, but she does like to pretend to be afraid of monsters. There's all kinds of monsters to be afraid of. And usually you're safe if you're under a blanket. Personally, I like Monter Train (train whistles heard while outside at night); Molly gets proper freaked out by that.
- I'm scared daddy (fake shaking) -- when Molly is "scared," she fake shakes like she's cold. It's real funny.
- dukadukadukaduka -- Because Molly doesn't know all the parts of a sentence, she often fills space where she knows words should be but doesn't know the word with rambly word-like syllables.
- wait waita minute -- we say this to her a lot; it's only natural that she turn it around on us.
- want to draw mommy -- Molly loves drawing and painting, especially 3D objects. Michaels sells these little wooden animals for like 2 bucks. She'll be blissful in painting heaving for like an hour.
- I need it -- Molly needs lots of things, and she won't hesitate telling us.
- It's my map -- any piece of paper with stuff other than her painting or drawing on it is a Map.
- I'm running -- She tells you when she runs. It's good information.
- I got a poop pigeon -- How could I not buy this for her? Littlest Pet Shop has a toy that's a pigeon and labeled as a "Messy" one. It also comes with a park bench and a sticker sheet with stickers of bird poop. When we asked Molly if she wanted a poop pigeon in Walmart tonight, she was like "Yeah! I want a poop pigeon." And she kept talking about it all night. I lub it. It's freakin hilarious.
- Awesome -- She says awesome. How awesome is that?
- I want Edidabeth -- Elizabeth is Molly's best friend. They're the same age and they lub playing together. Molly talks about her constantly.
