Friday, December 29, 2006

Friday is Random Day -- Week in Review Wesley Willis Style


Christmas itself was a harmony joybus Ride.
It rocked to the max
Marie and Justin, your house hit me like a haymaker
it hit me like a bout of diahrrea
It hit me like a hundred dollars in the face.

Christmas
Christmas
Christmas
Christmaaaas
Christmas!


Nintendo Wii you are my hero
You rock an roll in every way
You tell the voices to shut the fuck up
an' enjoy the show
Rock N roll Wii

Nintendo Wii
Nintendo Wii
Nintendo Wii
Nintendo Wiiiiii
Nintendo Wii


On Wednesday at 8 am I ran back to work
i hightailed it like Oj simpson
work saw me first and shot me
work shot me up like a heroin addict
work shot me up full of lead and I fell down to the floor
I got back up off the floor and tried to hit work with my fist
I tried to hit work in the face
but work hit me with a freakout hell bus riiide

Fucking Work
Fucking Work
Fucking Woooork
Fucking Work
Fucking Work!

Thursday, December 21, 2006

The Friday is Random Day Post

And now, I present to you the winning character from an unfinished Kobolds Ate My Baby game:

Name: Bas Turd
Player: Drew

Abilities:
Brawn:
5 (Wrassle)
Ego: 4 (Traps)
Extraneous: 8 (Bard)
Reflexes: 9 (Steal)
Move: 2
CD: 2
HITS: 5/5 Armor Hits: 7/13
VPs 33

Edges
Bark Like a Kobold
Kobold Senses
Stone Skin (plus 1d6 armor HITS (4))

Bogies
Bent on Destruction(3d6 ego check to avoid destroying everything!)
Fearless
Taste Like Chicken

Armor:
Beer Barrel Armor(9 Armor Hits penalty die to athlete checks)

Weapon:
Nothing

Gear:
Ring of Human Speaking, Cutpurse Costume, Backpack

Background: Bas Turd grew up knowing that his one role in life was to eat babies, serve King Torg (ALL HAIL KING TORG!!) and, oh, most importantly Destroy anything that looks nice. He also found out early on that in order to destroy stuff, he needed things, so he started stealing stuff from the Bazaar, other kobolds, even small children that were too big to be eaten like babies. His Auntie gave him a ring of human speaking, but he's usually too busy throwing bricks at windows to use it.

Hoo Aah -- Or the Puffing of the Chest and Expanding of the Head

A day before my birthday, (that being 12/11), upon returning home from dinner (of the birthday peculiarity), a message was found on our house's answering machine. The message, much garbled by my own and my wife's rampant screaming, hooting, hollering, and other akin carryingson informed that I had not only been published, but actually won the Alligator Juniper National Writing Contest with my story "(Un/Re/I )Do." This was then followed by much excitement immediately backed up by eight days of eager anticipation turning to morbid paranoia as I repeatedly tried to contact them to find out "What the hell are going on?" Eventually, the paperwork came through and Uncle Sam got his bit, and soonishly, I'll be receiving some nicely nicelys as well as a summer publication date.

And thus my head did swell even more so than it already had swollen, for only a month earlier, I was notified that "Contents Within" will be nominated for the AWP Intro Award.

Some very good news indeed.

And thus Vomit did puke forth in the form of words...

Word vomit. Yes indeed. That's what this corner end niche of putrescence will endeavor to simulate in the coming weeks (or months if my level of interest remains for that long). What type of word vomit? Probably the type that about eight people in all of the intarnet will care about, and then even, they'll probably be more interested in someone else's word vomit to really whiff the puke in this sloppy little slough slice.

In any case. Once upon a time, there existed a website, and a domain name for the House of Spears, and now, entropy has claimed them. In replacement, a blog and a wiki appeared, but forward momentum on both projects fizzled and pooped out long before their time. Granted, occasionally the D-ing of the & D-ing does ramble for a few dozen posts on the wiki, and much to my wife's dismay, this doesn't last long enough for her. But alas, time, as in free time, is also a pooper.

So what the hell is [was] the House of Spears? It's a chain store--kind of like the original junk store/dollar store that appeared everywhere in my gameworld, Ae'rinus. It was originated by a wizard named Al, and he staffed the many hundreds of his stores with imperfect clones of himself, often lending to much hilarity on the behalf of hapless adventurers trying to buy that wicked cool pink headband with "Ninja" stitched in fancy cursive script on it. It's basically a store of mad chaos, where the adventure would turn to when things were getting either boring or too heavy.... A little bit of oddity, humor, and stupidity always make for a better day. And so in that vein, I'll resurrect this beast from the hells of a long deleted google cache, and do little posties regarding the life of a Corporate WageSlave staring desperately out the window, and wanting very much to live and do all things related to fiction writing and the subsequent teaching thereof.