Dadaism

No this isn't about an artistic movement I only vaguely remember from Art History. This week's blathering is much more personal-the whole parenting thing.

Part 1: The wasteland
On the outside, I think, a lot of 20somethings think that parenting is kind of an end of the road--your life is over kind of thing. Not to mention the physical wasteland of toys strewn about, all of them lying in wait for that midnight run downstairs barefoot in the dark. Yellow Cheese Triangle. Yes, I speak of you and your many pain inflicted nights. Then there's the wasteland of personal fulfillment--the whole me time sorta goes out the window.

Part 1.5: Is it that bleak?
No.

Part 3: Let me explain what happened to part 2
A couple weeks ago I was talking to Grace about the fun of having a 2 year old and an impending stork delivery, and she said "You know you really need to write something about parenting. Part 2 was: Grace, your wish is granted.

Part 4: It's not what you think
Parenting is like the wild west. And you get to be Clint Eastwood or Annie Oakley (for you female types) [Maybe I should reference Buffalo Bill instead for a better parallel with Oakley? Nah. Eastwood is far too badass to leave out. I'd be like referencing a samurai flick without mentioning Akira Kurosawa or Toshiro Mifune.] Sure we all were kids, and our parents did a [fine/meh/wonderful/terrible/great/shitty/so-so/average] job raising us, so more of the same, right?

To me it feels a bit like playing God. But in a safe way. Sure we got to create life, and as parents we get to shape it. But we can't go willy-nilly. It's not like It's an easy process to start over, and god knows Sue'd kill me if I said, "Oh shit, we fucked up this kid, let's game over and start fresh." She's totally done being pregnant in a forever kind of way. And I can't blame her.

But it is a bit like playing God. We choose as parents what goes into their little impish minds (Molly is thoroughly an imp, no doubt there). They gestate and regurgitate in their own version. The rewards are amazing. Within only a couple years, you have this little creature that runs up to you and says "Bao Bao" [That's 'hug' in Chinese] because 1. she loves you and 2. she watches a whole freakin lot of Ni-Hao Kai-Lan. So I have a partially bi-lingual 2 year old in a language that I will never understand as well as her because she's at the language sponge age.

Other rewards come in all kinds of packages from the Daddy-just-got-home-from-work-excitement to an un-prompted Thank You or random hug. Show them love and attention, and man, Kids rock.

Part 5: What about that imp thing?
Yeah, Kids can give you fits too. They give us fits every day. It's part of parenting, and in a way like Stress exercise. How much kid insanity can you take without losing your cool? Tonight, my daughter decided to drink the bathwater [something that we've been yelling at her for for, um, forever]. Not only because doing so is gross, but because she could choke. Well guess what, tonight she choked on it. I was right there, and averted crisis in seconds. But Sue, also FLEW up the stairs, terrified that something happened to her baby. This leads to part 6

Part 6 : Redbull may give you wings, but parenting gives you superpowers
Holy hell. Being a parent allows you to somehow slow time down sometimes and catch children that are mid fall from 30 feet away when you have a herniated disk, broken leg, and are wrapped so tight in a snuggie that you're certifiably mummified. And it's instinctual. I don't know how we do it, but parents get the powers to SAVE LIVES pretty regularly. And we do it on not a lot of sleep

Part 7: Caffeine, a father's reprieve
You know that bullshit line, "Females are the weaker sex?" Childbirth aside, try raising small children that don't sleep well. Then try it without caffeine. Why? Because moms don't get that chemical stim fix like us dads if they're pregnant or breastfeeding. But yet they carry on just as well. Wives/mothers of the world, you rock. For us dads, we may get a little more sleep and get to dope up on [Coffee, Tea, Monster, Redbull, PowerEdge, Mt. Dew, Coke], but it's also our duty to not bitch about being tired, ever. And if you can let the wife sleep in, for god sakes do it.

Part 8: It's an adventure and a half
Last Night, after class, my Daughter, who realized it had finally stopped raining, called me on a promise I'd made to her when she woke up first thing Monday. I'd said, "We can go out and play with your chalk [sidewalk chalk received from Aunt Yam on Sunday] as soon as it stops raining." So at 7:30 Molly and I are outside in the freakin cold wind drawing on our porch. Yet despite the somewhat miserable conditions, Molly came up with a really hilarious game. I had to draw letters of the alphabet. Then she would dictate how many times you had to stomp on said letters. Stomping had to involve silly walks [ala Monty Python's Ministry of Silly Walks], and it was pretty constant. So despite being cold, it was actually a lot of fun.

Part 9: The Caveat
What I'm trying to say here is that parenting is indeed about the best thing I've ever done. And since I'm on vacation from everything but teaching, I'm happy to say that I'd be real glad to be a stay at home dad if I could. Here's the caveat to all of this though: Most Americans, I think are far too lazy and narcissistic to actually be good parents. It's evident in our legislation where people feel the need to try and control maturity ratings on music and games. Good parents don't need this kind of gov'ment policing, because they know what their kids are capable of handling. And it doesn't take much to be involved with kids; they crave attention.

Outro
Parenting rocks.
[this post partially written while rocking Jack to sleep].